feel like this phenomenon happens when we disclose plans and goals with the wide world - we lose motivation afterwards because we feel as if we already accomplished it by speaking it out loud. very insightful post, thank you for writing this!
"I lived inside a set of goals to escape the immeasurable pain of not feeling good enough as I was." – loved this. So interesting to think of when all I hear lately is new years resolution drivel... for better or worse!
My heart rate went up as I was reading this as I remembered my years of anxiety driven self improvement. However, the more I began to love myself the less compulsive I became about these things, but now I wonder if I’ve become complacent about ‘becoming my higher self’
'anxiety driven self improvement' is totally it in a nutshell. I'm glad the piece provoked something; I feel like I'll always be balancing 'drive' vs 'good enough'.
I came across this at a time where I sensed that list making was compulsive (even though I justified it as essential and helpful) and this has been a very useful read. I’m now drawing a picture every time I feel like writing a list
I already knew this thruth, but you put it in a logical order and into words so well fitting! My journaling is more a collecting of past things, like a diary but in a bullet journal style, so I have best of both worlds for me 😅
when i was a depressed, anxious teenager i found solace in the phrase "i am endlessly creating myself," a way to see myself as unfinished in a positive light, that the dark pit i was in wasn't the end. it worked, i got "shapeshifting, adapting, evolving" tattooed on my arm, and i found myself shifting into someone i wanted to be. it's a joyful movement, but i find that allowing stillness and contentedness triggers all the cringe and fear to erupt, as long as i am more in love with my future self than my present. i love the lists. i am trying to swap them for gratitude lists, to find home in myself, always, not just in this future version who i have to assume loves me back.
Sometimes we get so caught up in the planning before we act, we forget that we often find answers through action. This piece hit hard as I’ve been proudly noticing myself open my calendar less, seldom write todo lists but instead just do the thing I want / feel / am excited to do.
“When I think of people I know who have really great lives, the actions that led them there are hard to plan and even harder to measure: taking risks, working hard, being kind, remaining curious.” YES YES YES!
So glad it resonated! You're so right, taking an active step toward the thing is a nice counter balance to 'writing the thing down'. It's not too daunting, but probably way more rewarding.
This brought me back memories of my productivity/work/knowledge addiction back in 2020-2022 hahahan't 💀 i would do very detailed plans then forget them two months in and do more detailed plans, rinse and repeat.
Am I the only person who thinks this sounds incredibly stressful? I have about 5 books on my current TBR, one book project and a newsletter. And that is definitely enough for me 🙃
It is incredibly stressful — coming from a person who is struggling to fully exit this pattern of behavior. But like Zoe said, it’s an addiction. I like to think I’ve made great progress over the years with various therapists but sometimes I still wake up and find myself in some level of relapse.
I feel this so much and have fallen into this myself so many times. I also think it’s a delicate balance. Yes, mindset is important, if you don’t believe you can do it, it won’t happend. And at the same time growth takes the time it takes, and with all the self help out there, I feel we re need to learn to slow down and let it unfold without trying to micromanage all of it. But of course for the self help industry, that’s not a message that sells😅
I find myself so immeasurably frustrated to see people online abandon plans for self-improvement or self-actualization like these and it’s only when I ask myself why that I’m doubly and duly let down; it’s because I don’t want to set these goals myself. I want to live through the satisfaction of watching someone else set and achieve goals without having to do any of the labor myself. Under the guise of seeking inspiration, it’s just a parasocial dopamine rush that I’m actually looking for. Then when someone fails, I’m left staring at my phone wondering what it was all for and what I’m doing right now in my own life and I can’t pretend any longer that this vicarious satisfaction ever meant anything at all.
feel like this phenomenon happens when we disclose plans and goals with the wide world - we lose motivation afterwards because we feel as if we already accomplished it by speaking it out loud. very insightful post, thank you for writing this!
Totally agree!
"I lived inside a set of goals to escape the immeasurable pain of not feeling good enough as I was." – loved this. So interesting to think of when all I hear lately is new years resolution drivel... for better or worse!
It’s completely incessant this time of year! Kind of can’t look away though. Thank you for the kind words!!
My heart rate went up as I was reading this as I remembered my years of anxiety driven self improvement. However, the more I began to love myself the less compulsive I became about these things, but now I wonder if I’ve become complacent about ‘becoming my higher self’
'anxiety driven self improvement' is totally it in a nutshell. I'm glad the piece provoked something; I feel like I'll always be balancing 'drive' vs 'good enough'.
I came across this at a time where I sensed that list making was compulsive (even though I justified it as essential and helpful) and this has been a very useful read. I’m now drawing a picture every time I feel like writing a list
that is so cool! I love that idea
I already knew this thruth, but you put it in a logical order and into words so well fitting! My journaling is more a collecting of past things, like a diary but in a bullet journal style, so I have best of both worlds for me 😅
You’ve articulated very well, the current self improvement culture. I can totally tell the addicts.
when i was a depressed, anxious teenager i found solace in the phrase "i am endlessly creating myself," a way to see myself as unfinished in a positive light, that the dark pit i was in wasn't the end. it worked, i got "shapeshifting, adapting, evolving" tattooed on my arm, and i found myself shifting into someone i wanted to be. it's a joyful movement, but i find that allowing stillness and contentedness triggers all the cringe and fear to erupt, as long as i am more in love with my future self than my present. i love the lists. i am trying to swap them for gratitude lists, to find home in myself, always, not just in this future version who i have to assume loves me back.
Yes! A balanced ratio of lists about what you have already vs ones about what you want is such a great idea
Sometimes we get so caught up in the planning before we act, we forget that we often find answers through action. This piece hit hard as I’ve been proudly noticing myself open my calendar less, seldom write todo lists but instead just do the thing I want / feel / am excited to do.
“When I think of people I know who have really great lives, the actions that led them there are hard to plan and even harder to measure: taking risks, working hard, being kind, remaining curious.” YES YES YES!
Ugh subbed, excited to read more
So glad it resonated! You're so right, taking an active step toward the thing is a nice counter balance to 'writing the thing down'. It's not too daunting, but probably way more rewarding.
looooved this. you write so beautifully!
Thank you thank you!!
This is such a great piece, Zoe! Sometimes we get too caught up with goals rather than taking a step back to consider their actual purpose.
This brought me back memories of my productivity/work/knowledge addiction back in 2020-2022 hahahan't 💀 i would do very detailed plans then forget them two months in and do more detailed plans, rinse and repeat.
Am I the only person who thinks this sounds incredibly stressful? I have about 5 books on my current TBR, one book project and a newsletter. And that is definitely enough for me 🙃
It is incredibly stressful — coming from a person who is struggling to fully exit this pattern of behavior. But like Zoe said, it’s an addiction. I like to think I’ve made great progress over the years with various therapists but sometimes I still wake up and find myself in some level of relapse.
Feeling as if you read my mail.
I feel this so much and have fallen into this myself so many times. I also think it’s a delicate balance. Yes, mindset is important, if you don’t believe you can do it, it won’t happend. And at the same time growth takes the time it takes, and with all the self help out there, I feel we re need to learn to slow down and let it unfold without trying to micromanage all of it. But of course for the self help industry, that’s not a message that sells😅
I find myself so immeasurably frustrated to see people online abandon plans for self-improvement or self-actualization like these and it’s only when I ask myself why that I’m doubly and duly let down; it’s because I don’t want to set these goals myself. I want to live through the satisfaction of watching someone else set and achieve goals without having to do any of the labor myself. Under the guise of seeking inspiration, it’s just a parasocial dopamine rush that I’m actually looking for. Then when someone fails, I’m left staring at my phone wondering what it was all for and what I’m doing right now in my own life and I can’t pretend any longer that this vicarious satisfaction ever meant anything at all.
I hate it so much.